“new juggler”

I was looking to draw something a bit lighter in tone, and had been wanting to do an update of a very old drawing for a while…

One of the role playing games I played back in the day was an Australian superheroic setting – Super Squadron! In a great campaign run by Mike (hi!) I played an acrobatic character “The Juggler” who had a frog sidekick. There was a luck rule that if you rolled triple 6 you would hit no matter what. During a fight we were losing, the frog attacked, rolled the triple and knocked out the bad guy!

I’m a bit unconvinced by this drawing. Been sinking my creative juices and spare time into a coding project, and getting a bit existential about drawing… “why am I doing it?” The deep / unhappy pictures answer their own question, but the fun ones feel a bit pointless. Doing some life drawing again and getting the anatomy less wonky might help too!

The raw drawing

The original, from back in 2001!

“untitled #43”

For what was supposed to be a quick sketch before bed to remember an idea, it turned out surprisingly well! An accidental cover page for the next journal, but couldn’t think of a title that wasn’t trite.

Musing on the feeling that stress / reflux / sleep deprivation was degrading my mental competence. A slightly less super-heroic pose would have been good…

“canopic dolls”

Was a fun family project! I bought both the girls a set, and taught them how to use a spray can in the backyard. They finished theirs pretty quickly, but I got nervous about “wrecking” mine and kept procrastinating. The long weekend just been I finally had a crack. The paint marker was a little crude, and it probably would have been less human-centric to have the urns in size order… guts, brains, heart then bladder… but it was satisfying to complete.

Do I need to explain it? Egyptian canopic jars × Russian matryoshka dolls + cytotoxicity.

volume 2

Passed cystoscopy no 9 today. After last year’s shenanigans I was a little nervous.

My file is now so fat it has run to a second volume…

unfinished business

Was putting a birthday present to use, a big folder to store old drawings more delicately than in the shed, and was looking at some of those drawings. Some good and bad, some pretty wacky, and a few unfinished.

This one was a cracker, all about the rawness and uncertainty of trying to find love on the Melbourne nightclub scene in the late 90s. It got derailed by the hand. I couldn’t get it right, drew and redrew it till the paper got rough. Even took some reference shots back in the day when you had to get them developed and printed. Eventually I found love and moved on.

It was in a brief phase of large works on paper, and I love the fluidity of the big pencil strokes, but most of them didn’t get finished. Elaborate and labour intensive, and eventually too separated by time from their inspiration.

I also forgot to give a woo hoo when I posted that last picture, it was post number 100. Woo hoo!

balance #17

balance 17

So I broke my sleep.

In the last couple of years I’d been putting some serious cracks in it, stress waking me up in the middle of the night. Over time it turned into reverse insomnia, falling asleep within minutes at the start of the night, but waking up and not being able to get back to sleep. 5am was workable, grinds you down but you can function. As it crept earlier, to 4am, to 3am, it got harder.

In contrast, my work life just got better and better. I built good relationships, particularly with my boss, was working on some interesting projects. Over the Christmas break I caught up on sleep, really unwound, was looking forward to going back to the quietest time of the working year.

Second night after going back I woke up at 1am after an hour or so of sleep. And went to work. And knew I had to do something about it.

Temazepan. In the end I think it was a great placebo, was a security blanket to help me get over the anxiety about sleep itself. The directions said to make sure to be in bed within ten minutes after taking it… I was often awake reading for an hour or so afterwards.

The good news is I’m mostly over it. Exhaustion was one of the reasons for the lack of drawings. The other is teaching myself javascript to build a website mapping beer flavours. It’s still a bit buggy in parts, but aren’t we all.

balance #17 - bonus drawing

Tucked in

2018 goals

The last one was a great visualisation, so this is a bit of a reboot with a reason, with a central goal to tie it together.

Leaving off the obvious, like being a good husband and father(!), and passing all my tests…

“ouroboros”

An overdue reminder to myself that there is no tail to catch.

Back in the day, in work and sometimes in life, there were times when I would catch up. Finish all my jobs and reflect. Maybe even prepare and look ahead. I need to stop looking for that end, that pause. Need to work the process not the task, like that old cliche, the journey not the destination.

Just have to make sure there are rest breaks along the way, if not toilet breaks overnight.

“managing for performance”

managing for performance

I tried working on something frivolous… I really did. Somehow it seemed a little pointless.

It’s mostly the negative stuff that gets its claws into me, that feels meaningful enough to work on till it’s done. The paradox is that the drawing of it often makes me happy. As a blog it may seem a bit of a downer, but as therapy it’s working so far!

We’ve been getting freelancers in to cover some gaps at work, and the two great designers I kept chasing both ended up getting senior roles at the biggest agency in town. The agency I had been eyeing off a couple of years back as a creative career path. As opposed to the managerial path I’m on now. So I had a few moments of angst.

But the therapy worked. Management isn’t quite the dark side, and embracing it sounds melodramatic, but I can be a good boss.

And that will be good enough.

“reanimation”

I’m flicking the switch. Turning over a new leaf. Beginning as I mean to continue.

Moved to a new floor at work today, got some staff changes coming, caring less to sleep more, getting back on the exercise bike, and pumping some juice back into my creativity. Frankensteining some of the old avatars, good and bad, to add some colour back to the greyness of my managerial life.

They might be a bit rough but more drawings are coming.