We’ve had too many people die during our kid’s lifetime. G-pa. Nana Wilma. Great Nana. Poppy. Auntie Margaret. Scott. Michael.
Michael was the first where I was also mourning the loss of a part of myself, the person I could be around him. I never had to explain the backstory, my cousin who knew the pressures of growing up in the Taplin clan, had met the friends from the three phases of my life, had been to nearly all of the fifteen houses I’ve lived in, and slept at most of them. Whether art, pop culture, music or whatever, he got the reference.
The beer nights had started pretty casually but turned into a solid tradition over six years, especially once he moved to Gawler. That house was a sanctuary to him, but also to me over an intense couple of years. It was a fraught process to organise at my end, navigating anxieties and guilt trips and rescheduling, never certain until the last minute.
The process of unwinding started as soon as I sat in the car in the driveway. Picked the music and sent a message to Michael. I’m on my way.
I’d never understood why people loved road trips, the concept of Sunday drives, until those journeys out to Gawler. Somewhere in that time I gained confidence in driving, loved the speed and the curves through the hills. An inextricable part of the event, the decompression and anticipation.
I got to be someone else at his house. Not a father or husband or manager, not even a responsible adult. Off the leash, back out on the edges. Talk shit, play air guitar, blow off steam. Bring out any beer or put on any music without judgement. Maybe with debate but always with appreciation.
I didn’t realise how much I needed those nights until they were gone. Auntie Fran always thanked me for seeing him so much and supporting him, but I was mostly doing it for me.
The start of 2024 was rock bottom. Counselling started the climb back up and making this game was another part of the process. Remembering and grieving the beer nights, but letting them go. Letting Michael go.
I was ready for the next step before the game was, and it sat mostly done but untouched for a year so. Adobe’s price gouging prompted me to cancel my subscription and I realised I had to finish this first.
Celebrating but not forgetting.